is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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