he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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