I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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