I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
