i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
