Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think my moral compass just broke
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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