I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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