She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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