I wish I could punch you in the face.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
