walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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