I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
