she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
