so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
