I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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