one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
