My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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