i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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