I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
