You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
