mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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