so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
