I feel great
I just peed on a car
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Alive.
So much puke
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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