He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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