my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This baby is an asshole
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
