apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
