you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I fill condoms, not promises.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
