I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
