I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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