if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Damn victory sex feels great
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
