Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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