Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
