I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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