Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
