I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
