...so i touched it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
