its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
