you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So much Jack, so little girl.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
