The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
