We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
