Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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