you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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