I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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