I wish I could punch you in the face.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
