no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
