ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
