its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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