I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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