I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
