I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
this boner is exhausting
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
