i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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